{"id":7444,"date":"2018-12-24T14:28:58","date_gmt":"2018-12-24T19:28:58","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/ethnojunkie.com\/?p=7444"},"modified":"2019-10-27T15:26:33","modified_gmt":"2019-10-27T19:26:33","slug":"an-eggnog-excursus","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/ethnojunkie.com\/?p=7444","title":{"rendered":"An Eggnog Excursus"},"content":{"rendered":"

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It\u2019s the most wonderful time of the year! That time when folks dust off words like \u2019tis and \u2019twas as Bing Crosby croons creaky, arthritic chestnuts with inscrutable lyrics like \u201cChristmas is a-comin\u2019 and the egg is in the nog\u2026.\u201d<\/p>\n

That one always baffled me. I mean, what else would be in the \u201cnog\u201d?<\/p>\n

There is vigorous unresolved debate over the etymology of the word \u201ceggnog\u201d (or phrase \u201cegg nog\u201d, if you prefer), proof that anything so resplendent is worthy of detailed analysis and ultimately obsession. Investigation harkens back to the late 1600s and hypotheses range from the term for a strong ale or possibly the wooden mug it was served in to a scrambled portmanteau of colonial argot, \u201cgrog\u201d (rum) and \u201cnoggin\u201d (mug). Eggs and dairy never even entered the picture (or perhaps, in this case, the pitcher). A libation did exist, however, called \u201cposset\u201d that was prepared with alcohol, milk, spices, and sometimes eggs, quaffed by the Brits during medieval times, that persisted for centuries. The recipe underwent refinement (as all worthy recipes do) and was surely the forerunner of today\u2019s glorious elixir.<\/p>\n

Inevitably, there are those who refuse to be satisfied until they\u2019ve added a little something extra to the standard issue brew: down south, eggnog is often spiked with bourbon, not to mention Southern Comfort, but sherry, brandy, cognac, whiskey, rum, and grain alcohol, individually or in combination, have all managed to stagger into America\u2019s punch bowl. Of course, this wouldn\u2019t be an ethnojunkie post without at least a nod to international mixology, so from Wikipedia: \u201cEggnog is called coquito<\/em> in Puerto Rico, where rum and fresh coconut juice or coconut milk are used in its preparation. Mexican eggnog, also known as rompope<\/em>, was developed in Santa Clara. It differs from regular eggnog in its use of Mexican cinnamon and rum or grain alcohol. In Peru, eggnog is called biblia con pisco<\/em>, and it is made with a Peruvian pomace brandy called pisco<\/em>. German eggnog, called biersuppe<\/em>, is made with beer and eierpunsch<\/em> is a German version of eggnog made with white wine, eggs, sugar, cloves, tea, lemon or lime juice and cinnamon.\u201d The list goes on. (Speaking of far away places with strange sounding names for things, I have to admit a certain fondness for the French spin on the word for eggnog, lait de poule<\/em> \u2013 hen\u2019s milk.)<\/p>\n

All of which raises the question of whether I favor mixing eggnog with alcohol. I was afraid you\u2019d ask. My personal observation is that it\u2019s a waste of good booze and a waste of good eggnog. Unless of course it\u2019s homemade (the nog, not the hooch) but that\u2019s a nag of a different color. This post is about commercial eggnogs, and we\u2019re only considering dairy based entries at that \u2013 not soy, rice, coconut, or almond milk nor lactose-free rivals \u2013 simply because there would undoubtedly be winners and losers among those categories which would eventually be pitted against “the real deal” and that would only serve to complicate comparisons.<\/p>\n

If you\u2019ve read me, you know that I have a few (ha!) guilty pleasures when it comes to holiday food, and for me, nothing heralds the advent of the season like the first appearance of eggnog on supermarket shelves. And snatching it away precipitately as they do every year when the yule log\u2019s embers have barely begun to evanesce only makes the anticipation and craving for next year’s batch more intense.<\/p>\n

But which one(s) to buy? Fret not. I and my OCD are here to offer you the benefits of my research and experimentation regarding this happy holiday quandary.<\/p>\n

You probably know that flavor variations among brands of eggnog aren\u2019t like those of milk \u2013 milk tastes pretty much like milk regardless of the purveyor (there are nuances but they\u2019re not worth considering in this context). The dissimilarities among brands of eggnog, however, are cosmic by comparison; they may as well be different beverages. And to complicate things, a few brands taste radically different from year to year. (My theory is that there is some sort of practice among smaller dairies where they acquire the flavor base from a third party source and blend it with their own milk, but sometimes, for whatever reason, the base changes \u2013 perhaps it\u2019s sourced from an alternate supplier, perhaps it\u2019s a mandated change in recipe \u2013 hence the extreme annual variance within a single brand. It\u2019s all about that base.) Note also that some brands are local and unique while others are the regional offspring of a national food company that may provide the same product under varying names (see the Garelick and Tuscan cartons above, both brought to you by Dean Foods).<\/p>\n

Having read dozens of reviews, I find it fascinating that there is absolutely no critical agreement as to which commercial eggnog tastes best; one reviewer\u2019s nectar of the gods is another\u2019s paint thinner, so it is evident that eggnog’s charms are very much in the mouth of the beholder. My own memories of the bewitching flavor of the Ethereal Eggnog of My Youth remain vivid to this day and are the genesis of the impassioned quest I am about to share with you. But even if you disagree with my personal preferences, you\u2019ll be able to make use of the template I\u2019ve devised in order to develop the ultimate eggnog of your <\/em>sugarplum dreams.<\/p>\n

The Great Nog-Off Schema<\/h4>\n

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The strategy is to identify significant universal eggnog characteristics and rate how each contender performs in each category. Picture a table, the kind that folks use Excel spreadsheets for even though there are no numbers to crunch but that are ideal for sorting data. Headers across the first row are Brand, Vintage, Body, Creaminess, Artificial\/Natural, Flavor Notes, Finish, Special Features, Comments, and Overall Rating. Let\u2019s examine each:<\/p>\n

\u2022 Brand \u2013 seems obvious, but might include subtitles like Hood\u2019s brood of Golden, Caramel, Cinnamon, Sugar Cookie, Pumpkin Pie, and Vanilla flavors; the single column simplifies sorting.<\/p>\n

\u2022 Vintage \u2013 the year you\u2019re evaluating. This is useful for two reasons: Tracking by year can identify certain brands that vary annually. For example, in 2008 (yeah, I\u2019ve been at this for a while), Farmland was running well but then for a few years it had drifted to the middle of the pack; happily, in 2018 it hit its stride again. It\u2019s like waiting for this year\u2019s vintage Beaujolais Nouveau to appear: Le 2018 Farmland Lait de Poule est arriv\u00e9!<\/em> And some unpredictability can be welcome; after all, it wouldn\u2019t be Christmas without some surprises. Farmland actually comes in handy, as you\u2019ll see later.<\/p>\n

The second reason is that some brands never change and that\u2019s a good thing because it can make life easier. For example, in 2014, I sampled (and had unsurprisingly forgotten about) International Delight and observed that the flavor notes included Butter Rum Lifesavers (not in my nog, thank you very much). Then in 2017, I inadvertently bought it again and my butter rum flavor notes were identical to those from three years earlier. Since my comments ran along the lines of \u201cworst ever\u201d, \u201cthe word \u2018egg\u2019 never even appears on the label nor in the ingredients list so no surprise there\u201d, and so forth, it\u2019s obvious that I\u2019ll never need to carry that brand home again. See? Makes life easier.<\/p>\n

\u2022 Body \u2013 rated on a 1 to 5 scale where 1 is thinnest and 5 is thickest. You might not care for a super thick eggnog (or the yellow mustache that accompanies it), so maybe a 4 in this category beats a 5 for you, but it certainly shouldn\u2019t be a 1, otherwise you\u2019re just drinking eggnog flavored milk and what\u2019s the point of that? But it\u2019s all a matter of taste, as is everything in this post.<\/p>\n

\u2022 Creaminess \u2013 different from body, this is about mouthfeel where 1 may very well be thick but not at all creamy (think Pepto-Bismol) and 5 coats your mouth with dairy cream.<\/p>\n

\u2022 The Artificial\/Natural continuum \u2013 where 1 denotes dominant artificial flavoring (usually ester-based) and 5 tastes like someone made it at home using only eggs, dairy products and sugar. Appreciation of this trait is idiosyncratic. Personally, I\u2019m trying to recapture the Magical Eggnog of My Kidhood and that one had just a wee dram of that ester component. To understand them, you first need to know that there are many flavors derived from ester compounds. You\u2019ll find them in artificial flavors of every stripe but probably the most universally recognized example I can describe is that artificial banana-y flavor of Circus Peanuts, those orange, oversized-peanut-shaped, marshmallowy candies that are an affront to the tastebuds of anyone over the age of five. That\u2019s only one kind of ester (isoamyl acetate, C7<\/sub>H14<\/sub>O2<\/sub>, for my fellow science geeks out there) but there\u2019s a common combination that screams \u201cEggnog!\u201d to anyone whose tongue is half listening. I\u2019m searching for just a soup\u00e7on of that in my nog.<\/p>\n

\u2022 Flavor Notes \u2013 for example, descriptors like eggy, nutmeggy, vanilla, cinnamon, clove, carrageenan (a thickener often found in commercial rice puddings and a flavor easy to recognize once you\u2019ve experienced it), cooked, nutty, or sugary sweet.<\/p>\n

\u2022 Finish \u2013 you oenophiles will grok this. A food\u2019s aftertaste is often different from its flavor (think artichokes) and it\u2019s connected to whatever remains on your tongue plus the sense memory that you\u2019re left with after taking a sip. I once had some eggnog that was sort of okay in the mouth but whose aftertaste was downright chalky. I\u2019ve found that a few organic brands have a \u201cgrassy\u201d finish.<\/p>\n

\u2022 Special Features \u2013 categories like organic, lite (whatever that means), and if you must, soy\/nut\/coconut-based, lactose free, etc. This is the column in which I noted that SoCo actually provides instructions on its label, admitting, \u201cPreparation: Mix with Southern Comfort\u201d so perhaps it\u2019s intended to work optimally in that application \u2013 as a mixer, not a beverage \u2013 since I don\u2019t care for it as a virgin standalone. Again, that\u2019s just me; YMMV.<\/p>\n

\u2022 Comments \u2013 have fun with it. One eggnog I tasted (which will go nameless) inspired me to write, \u201ctastes the way my parents\u2019 plastic slipcovers used to smell when I was a kid.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u2022 Overall Rating \u2013 where 1 is worst and 5 is best. Do not confuse this with an average of any numerical ratings you may have assigned. Think of it as how many stars out of five you\u2019d give the product.<\/p>\n

Now as you buy particular brands of eggnog (I\u2019ve been through dozens of brands and vintages), fill in the cells in the table. I recommend using a blind taste test form listing the aforementioned categories so that you\u2019re not haunted by ghosts from Christmas past in the row above competing for your attention, but you don\u2019t have to. (I did warn you that this was an OCD undertaking, right?)<\/p>\n

So you\u2019ve collected a mountain of data but how do you use it? Surely there is no such thing as the perfect commercial eggnog as the lack of consensus among reviewers would suggest. I find those beverages always lacking in one dimension or another and that\u2019s where this chart comes into play. The best way I can demonstrate its application is to show you how I\u2019ve implemented the information to recreate the taste of my Childhood Enchanted Eggnog.<\/p>\n

In 2017, Ronnybrook Farm Dairy\u2019s eggnog was pretty darned delicious straight out of the (deposit) bottle (I gave it a 4.5 overall) and if you wanted to just buy one brand without all this folderol (or falalalalalderol perhaps) it would have topped the list, but its carrageenan and guar gum levels make it a little thicker (rated 5 for body) than the Nog of My Dreams. That\u2019s where a solid middle of the road eggnog like that year\u2019s Farmland (3.5 overall) comes into play. Farmland is a journeyman level nog, modest and nicely balanced in terms of flavor, and coming in at 3.5 on the body scale is the perfect addition to mitigate Ronnybrook\u2019s viscosity while not overpowering its essence. But when I cut Ronnybrook with it, an ineffable characteristic was missing. Another sip. Ah, the ester component, of course \u2013 which was ultimately provided by Turkey Hill. Turkey Hill scored a 1 on my artificial\/natural scale (way too estery for me) but a dollop of it added to the Ronnybrook\/Farmland mix was all the recipe needed. Three parts Ronnybrook to two parts Farmland plus a good glug of Turkey Hill was the ratio I formulated. (Don\u2019t forget to garnish with a bit of freshly grated nutmeg!)<\/p>\n

Another time, when I couldn\u2019t locate Farmland for my attenuation purposes, I was able to procure Cream-O-Land (whose slogan used to be \u201cMade From Real Cows\u201d before some marketing guru thought the wiser of it). That year’s batch was okay but nothing special (rated 3 overall), certainly not horrible, but its 2.5 score for body indicated that it could provide the tempering influence that was called for. Since Cream-O-Land is more artificial tasting than Farmland, bringing Turkey Hill into the lineup was unnecessary.<\/p>\n

Incidentally, if you’re wondering about 2018’s trials, Ronnybrook has lost a bit of its luster; a 50-50 blend of that and Trader Joe’s was rather good. And oddly, a 50-50 blend of over the top Turkey Hill and under the radar Cream-O-Land was a hit as well.<\/p>\n

So there you have it. Yes, I concede that this venture involves imbibing an ocean of eggnog and ignoring a volcano of calories. It\u2019s a tough job, but somebody\u2019s gotta do it.<\/p>\n

Needless to say, you shouldn\u2019t feel that you need to slavishly follow my recipe proportions or recommendations. The takeaway here is for you to identify the special characteristics you\u2019re seeking in the eggnog of your fantasies, and piloted by a little R&D as you navigate the nogosphere, come up with your own bespoke, personalized blend.<\/p>\n

Incidentally, recounting your saga comes with the delicious bonus of dumbfounding your discriminating foodie friends.<\/p>\n

And perhaps your therapist. \ud83d\ude09
\n 
\n 
\nHappy Holidays!
\n 
\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It\u2019s the most wonderful time of the year! That time when folks dust off words like \u2019tis and \u2019twas as Bing Crosby inscrutably croons, “Christmas is a-comin\u2019 and the egg is in the nog!” (Whaaa…?) But it makes an appropriate background for reading the tell-all eggspos\u00e9 revealing what I do with holiday nog, now playing at ethnojunkie.com! Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3336,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[11,138,31,5,13,7],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-7444","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-drinks","category-holidays","category-home-cookin","category-pantry","category-recipes","category-stories"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/ethnojunkie.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7444","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/ethnojunkie.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/ethnojunkie.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ethnojunkie.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3336"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ethnojunkie.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=7444"}],"version-history":[{"count":15,"href":"https:\/\/ethnojunkie.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7444\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":10006,"href":"https:\/\/ethnojunkie.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7444\/revisions\/10006"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/ethnojunkie.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=7444"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ethnojunkie.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=7444"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ethnojunkie.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=7444"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}