Rumpumpumpom – A Christmas Cocktail (2024)

I wrote this poignant piece in 2020 and nothing much has changed. So here it is again ICYMI. For best results, please read slowly.

Merry Christmas to all the lovers out there.
 
 
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Okay, I freely admit it. As a countermeasure against COVID stress and concomitant dumbfounding national politics, I started listening to Christmas music earlier this year. Much earlier. Like when it was still light out at 8pm.

It seemed that every day brought some new, depressing wrinkle to the headlines, and in order to survive, many folks went on a quest to find something, anything, that would provide some meaning, a dependable sense of personal stability. For me, at least, there was comfort to be gleaned from hearing the cozy, ageless tunes of a generally happier time that, unlike the news, required no rapt attention, songs that just droned their continual backdrop of falalalalas, hohohos, and parumpumpumpoms.

Now, the essence of an earworm is repetition. Rumpumpumpom. Taken out of context, what does rumpumpumpom even mean? From its relentless, nagging reiteration, I kept sensing that the word itself was on a quest to find its own meaning – that sense induced, to be sure, because it was five o’clock Somewhere – another prophylactic conceit that has gained popularity during these times – and my appreciation for that pastime led me to conclude that the rumpumpumpom conundrum would be solved if only it had a proper definition.

And now it does.

Behold the Rumpumpumpom, my custom Christmas cocktail.

Start with a base of RUM mixed with Hood PUMpkin eggnog, in proportions to taste and proximity to the aforementioned hour of the day. Float a glug of POMegranate juice into the mixture and drag a toothpick (or similar) through it to create a festive holiday design (admittedly not my strong suit). Garnish with PUMpkin seeds. Et voilà: Rumpumpumpom with a raison d’être.

Much to my surprise, it actually worked. Rum and nog are a classic couple and the tangy tartness of the pomegranate juice cut the sweetness of the pumpkin eggnog. By the time I had finished tinkering, it was eight o’clock Somewhere and by then I was easily entertained by the red juice and green seeds accidentally providing unintended Christmassy accents. Time for some photos and a few final taste tests….
 
 
And now…it is midnight Somewhere. The quest has been fulfilled, the music has run its course, the room is silent and serene.
 
 
And Somewhere, Someone with more artistic talent and a steadier hand could no doubt squiggle a Paloma Picasso-esque Christmas tree to float atop this libation, perhaps even trimmed with a solitary pomegranate ruby at its apex — and we would toast the holiday together.
 
 
A boy can dream.
 
 
 
 

Christmas Comes Twice in Ukraine!

Originally posted in 2023 and recently updated.

I was chatting with my charming Instagram friend Olya who lives in Ukraine; she’s a nature lover, very much into cooking, and the inspiration for the Ukraine corner of my website.

We were exchanging information about American Thanksgiving and Orthodox Christmas foods and I learned that Christmas is now officially celebrated on two days in Ukraine. The Orthodox Church still uses the old Julian calendar, therefore its Christmas celebration falls on January 7, thirteen days behind the Gregorian calendar. But backlash against the Russian invasion has prompted Ukrainians to look westward, distancing themselves from the Russian Orthodox Church, and now the Orthodox Church of Ukraine allows worshippers to observe the holiday on December 25 as well. So that makes it doubly special!

Olya provided me with a stocking full of info regarding traditional Ukrainian Christmas foods – and there are many! Here are a few, in no special order:

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Kutya (кутя) – Best described as a sweet porridge, it can be served at the beginning of a meal or for dessert; it’s made from wheat berries, poppy seeds, honey, and customarily includes chopped walnuts and raisins. The wheat berries symbolize immortality and hope, the honey and poppy seeds represent happiness, tranquility, and success. Here’s my homemade version, served in my grandmother’s dish.


Holubtsi (голубці) – Stuffed cabbage rolls are filled primarily with rice, minced vegetables, and sometimes mushrooms; they are prepared without meat on Christmas Eve, the Ukrainian tradition, and with meat on Christmas Day.


Kholodets (холодець) – A savory meat aspic; chilled meat stock gels naturally because of its high collagen content although gelatin is sometimes added to double down on the texture. Chicken, pork, and vegetables come to the party and it’s often served with red horseradish or mustard.


Fish (риба) in many varieties and styles including fried, baked, stuffed, jellied, or marinated (like this herring) is usually a part of Ukraine’s Christmas dinner; for Ukrainians who observe Lenten traditions, the Christmas Eve meal should not include meat.


Varenyky (вареники) – These dumplings are one of Ukraine’s national dishes; they can be found in a pair of divergent guises: sweet, filled with cheese and/or fruit; and savory, stuffed with meat, potatoes, or cabbage, and customarily crowned with fried onions, occasionally bacon, and almost always accompanied by a dollop of sour cream.


Borshch (борщ) – This popular red beet soup has Ukrainian roots. Again, in keeping with tradition, Christmas Eve borshch is meatless and dairy-free. I’ve added a few fresh herbs, parsley, dill, and scallions to this version.


Pampushky (пампушки) – Ukrainian yeast-raised rolls that can be sweet or savory (these are topped with garlic and dill), baked or fried, and are a perfect accompaniment to borshch.

And from Kyivindependent.com:
“The number of dishes usually corresponds to the ritual number twelve, symbolizing the apostles or the months of the year. Since the meal is part of the Lenten fast leading up to Christmas, dishes do not include meat or dairy products. The 12 dishes of Christmas Eve usually include several additional vegetable-based recipes. These take many forms but are often built around mushrooms, cabbage, potatoes, and peas.

Common cold plates include pickled or fermented vegetables or chopped salads. Braised cabbage is also popular, prepared with either a tomato-based sauce or split peas.

Potatoes are used to make grated pancakes, called deruny, or mashed and formed into mushroom or vegetable-filled patties called kartoplianyky. Savory hand pies known as piroshky are filled with cabbage, mushrooms, peas, or other vegetables before being baked or fried.”

Kolach (колач) – Two candles are lit during the Christmas Eve celebration. One in the window to invite a passing stranger to share the holiday meal. The other is placed in the braided loaf known as kolach.

The name for the slightly sweet, braided yeast bread comes from the Old Slavonic word kolo, or circle, which symbolizes eternity. The bread is braided to commemorate the Holy Trinity and then shaped into a round loaf, an oblong loaf, or into three separate round loaves to be stacked on top of each other.

Since the bread contains eggs, it is traditionally saved to eat later on Christmas Day. According to old customs, the loaf is broken by the eldest member of the family and dipped in honey and salt before offering the greeting “Christos Rodyvsia” meaning “Christ is born.” Kolach is a symbol of luck, prosperity, and a bountiful harvest.

Uzvar (узвар) – Ukrainian Winter Punch made from dried fruits and warming spices simmered until your kitchen smells like heaven! The distinct smoky flavor comes from smoked plums that also give it an amber hue.”

And there are many more. Thank you so much for your help, Olya!
 
 
З Різдвом Христовим!
 
 

Homemade Christmas Cookies, Day 5 – Linzer Cookies

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Linzer Stars

🍪🍪🍪🍪🍪
Finely ground almonds figure into in the sweet, tender dough; the filling is made from red currants that I bought when they were in season and preserved in anticipation of this maniacal operation. Why maniacal? Look closely and you’ll see that the powdered sugar blankets only the outer section of the star, yet the inner red star shines snow-free.
🍪🍪🍪🍪🍪

Follow along to see how I do it:

Start with solid backs.

Add preserves around the perimeter but not in the center. (Neatness doesn’t count.)

Match tops to bottoms.

Let it snow, let it snow, etc.


Squirt a blob of preserves into the cutout.

Now here comes the maniacal part: For each cookie, use a toothpick to draw out the five points of the star.

Et voilà!

The cookies are complete and packed up. Here’s the negative space that was left behind!
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!!
🎅🎄☃️❄️
 
 

Homemade Christmas Cookies, Day 1 – Identity Crisis Cookies

When I bake Christmas cookies, it’s the same cast of characters every year. Not that this old dog can’t learn new tricks, it’s just that after I’ve made my signature treats, I usually don’t have enough energy left to take pictures of them. (Although somehow I do manage to muster the energy to consume them!)

So here are some past photos of those goodies. Enjoy!

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Identity Crisis Cookies

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So named because I couldn’t decide whether to make chocolate chip or oatmeal raisin or toasted coconut pecan and since I had all of those on hand…well, you get the picture.
🍪

More to come….
 
 

An Eggnog Excursus

It’s the most wonderful time of the year! That time when folks dust off words like ’tis and ’twas as Bing Crosby inscrutably croons, “Christmas is a-comin’ and the egg is in the nog!” (Whaaa…?)

But it makes an appropriate musical background for reading the tell-all eggsposé revealing what I do with holiday nog.

Click here for a Deep Dive into An Eggnog Excursus!
 
 

Panettone! Pannetone! Pannettone!

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One of these things is not like the others, or so the song goes. In this case, the outlier is the first Panettone, the only orthographically correct version of the subject of this post. To tell the truth, the two imposters share the spotlight only by way of capitulation to less-than-forgiving search engines (and not as a sly reference to the 90s R&B/soul group) because it is my mission to ensure that everyone falls in love with this gift to the culinary arts as deeply, passionately, and yes, obsessively as I have.

You’re all familiar with panettone, right? That Italian (Milanese, specifically) sweet, fruity, fluffy cake that’s usually consumed for the holidays (Christmas, specifically) but can be enjoyed year-round by ardent aficionados (me, specifically).

If you’ve read my story, An Eggnog Excursus, you know that part of my obsession stems from the fact that this bewitching beverage evocative of joyous childhood memories is only available for an all-too-brief period each year. Unlike eggnog, some brands of panettone are available year-round, generally dozing in supermarkets and even bodegas, but they tend to be lackluster as compared with the treasures that miraculously appear during the holiday season. It’s like envisaging a standing rib roast for Christmas dinner and then being served pot roast instead. It’s not the end of the world, but it is a world away from what you had been eagerly anticipating for the better part of a year.

So in an effort to assist with your choice of panettone from the myriad available this time of year, please check out this deep dive into Italy’s sweet Christmas present to the culinary world!
 
 

Happy Diwali!

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Dear Friends,

I can no longer keep this to myself. I am an addict, hooked on mithai. What’s that? You don’t know about mithai? Mithai are Indian sweets and since Diwali, the Hindu Festival of Lights, is upon us, I can think of no better time than now to tell you my tale. So gather round your diyas and check out my post “Indian Sweets 101: Meeting Mithai” right here on ethnojunkie.com!
 
 
दिवाली मुबारक
Happy Diwali!